


On the Horizon an Island

by vanilla_villain37 (van1lla_v1lla1n)



Series: little bits (reylo) [12]
Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Asexual Ben Solo, Asexuality Spectrum, Dependency, Depression, Developing Relationship, Dry Humping, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Hurt/Comfort, No Pregnancy, Smut, post-TROS but Ben lives
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-07
Updated: 2020-10-07
Packaged: 2021-03-08 00:40:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 931
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26876821
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/van1lla_v1lla1n/pseuds/vanilla_villain37
Summary: And then Rey left. It was time—they’d decided together—and she met up with the Resistance planetside. She stayed for five days before she called him to pick her up.On the first day Ben recovered, tried to reset his routine of meditating and training. By the second day he was floundering, and by the third he didn’t get out of bed even to eat. In his head was a vast sea of nothingness; he tried to imagine it was the ocean he saw in Rey’s dreams, but he could never find her island.------After he escapes Exegol with Rey, Ben finally feels like a whole person, with a whole body that is his, finally, to direct. But when Rey leaves for a few days, he realizes neither his brain nor his body work quite the way he had hoped.
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Series: little bits (reylo) [12]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1804366
Comments: 26
Kudos: 51
Collections: Queerly Beloved Reylo Fics





	On the Horizon an Island

After escaping Exegol Ben and Rey fucked for a month straight. They’d finally found some missing component of their bodies, their brains, and that they could stop touching each other or be even out of reach for more than a few minutes was an inconceivable notion.

Ben had never felt so much in his body as he did in those weeks, not even when he trained with his knights for hours a day, wearing out his body so much he didn’t even dream. He hoped it would be forever, that this was normal now; he hoped he’d finally banished the feeling that he was floating above his body, out of control, his physical form a marionette for others to direct.

And then Rey left. It was time—they’d decided together—and she met up with the Resistance planetside. Ben waited close by on the Falcon, hovering as close as he could to the planet’s atmosphere above her meetup point. She stayed for five days before she called him to pick her up.

On the first day Ben recovered, tried to reset his routine of meditating and training. By the second day he was floundering, and by the third he didn’t get out of bed even to eat. In his head was a vast sea of nothingness; he tried to imagine it was the ocean he saw in Rey’s dreams, but he could never find her island.

When she called on the fifth day, he rushed to clean himself up, to tidy the mess he’d accumulated around the bed. Rey didn’t mind clutter, and he knew that—she’d left the Falcon in a worse state than that in the first place. But this was different: his clutter a symptom of his ineptitude in her absence, his inability to cope with himself, to be alone.

She clung to him from the moment she found him in the cockpit, her touch a balm to that ache in his chest that had deepened each day in her absence into a gaping void. He listened to her stories about the Resistance’s new plans, her friends’ antics. But when she asked him about himself all he heard was waves.

Ben could see her worry in the wrinkle between her eyebrows, but he didn’t know how to soothe her. Even as the closeness of her body soothed his deepest need, he knew there was an emptiness in her body he could no longer fill. When she lay next to him he felt the ache in her cunt through the bond, he felt the way her skin itched to be touched, the way her mouth longed to bite, to suck. But in his own cock, his own skin, his own mouth, he felt nothing.

The first time he felt her touch herself in another room, her orgasm washed over him like relief, release from an obligation. But moments later Rey found him on his knees, sobbing, and when she said _But I love you, but you haven’t failed at all, but I’ve always pleased myself, and I like it, and I love you just the same_ , he realized he’d opened his end of the bond and had let the shrapnel of his fear fly into her.

“I want you to use me,” he told her. _My body feels good with yours_ , he didn’t say. _And I know yours feels good with mine. Let me do this for you._ _I have always been used. Sometimes it feels like the only thing I know how to do._

Rey didn’t touch herself for weeks after that, didn’t spread her leg across him in the night to press herself against his hip. But through the bond he felt her need growing like an itch. He felt her pulse when he pulled up his shirt to wipe the sweat off his face. He watched her mouth fall open just so when he smiled, once, at a sly joke she made. He felt her back arch under his hand when he squeezed behind her as she worked in a narrow hallway. He heard her moan softly in her sleep, saw his shoulders and his mouth and his hands flash through her dreams.

In the morning, before Rey woke, Ben curled onto his side to look at her. Her face was so serene in sleep, but he felt the ache of her body, the tightness of the muscles in her inner thighs. He brushed the hair from her face, smoothed his palm down her neck, her shoulder, her wrist. When he gathered her body closer to him she began to wake, and she wrapped her arm around his neck, slung her thigh over his hip.

She shuddered when he slid his thigh between her legs to press against her cunt, and her eyes were wide and needy when she looked up into his face. Ben brushed her cheek with a thumb, kissed her forehead, pulled her back into his chest. He slid one hand down to her lower back, and with the other he held her head as she began to move against him.

He felt her need through the clutch of her small hand on his shoulder blade; he felt her pleasure in the heat of her cunt on his thigh. He heard his breath quicken to shallow gasps with hers, and he whimpered softly when she shuddered against him, her back arching hard against his hand.

When Rey kissed him he tasted salt, and when she fell back asleep cradled on his chest he dreamed of her ocean, and on the horizon, her island.

**Author's Note:**

> I've been wanting to write a fic with an ace-spectrum character for a long time, and I finally did. Cheers (and also tears, ha ha 😩)
> 
> I'm on Twitter at [@van1lla_v1lla1n](https://twitter.com/van1lla_v1lla1n). Come say hi and feel free to dm me there about tags. And thank you so much, always, for your comments and kudos! <3


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